An Explanation of Absence and Apology: 2023 A Year in Review

An Explanation of Absence and Apology: 2023 A Year in Review

My friends, I felt it heavy on my heart that I owed an explanation of absence and apology. Actually it goes a bit farther back than 2023, into 2022 when my family and I were dealing with my husband’s ongoing health issues, more family deaths and also job displacement. When I say these last 5 years have been the most trying I’ve EVER experienced, I wholehearted mean that.

The 2023 post plan did not happen as I had hoped or even mapped out. Just 3 days after my last post, corned beef, I came down with the worst case of shingles on my face the team of doctors I had, had ever seen in the last 15 years! I was just 39! It effected 4 nerve dermatomes instead of the usual one. Hospitalized for 8 days, missed over 4 months of work, suffered horrific pain, slurred speech and now bare awful scars.

I also got a rare side effect called Ramsay Hunt Syndrome. It left me paralyzed on the right side of my face along with deafness in my right ear for a 3 month duration. Afterwards, a condition called postherpetic neuralgia, developed. It is a condition in which searing, burning, nerve pain damage is left behind after the sores are long gone. There is absolutely no respite from the pain. Not for one second of one day. It can take up to a year or more to resolve. Unfortunately, mine did not resolve, it progressed.

Diagnosed with Trigeminal Neuralgia

Trigeminal Neuralgia. This is a permanent nerve condition that inflicts severe facial pain. It can be trigger by something as small as wind blowing or chewing food. There are no words to describe what this had been like. The pain scale, 1-10, yeah that has a WHOLE new meaning for me. There are several who call this the suicide disease in that respect, I explicitly understand. NO!! I’m NOT suicidal. Just stating that I can sympathize with wanting to STOP the onslaught of neverending searing nerve pain.

The pain beats against you over and over again until you undeniably just want to break. It consumes your thoughts as it will not relent so you find yourself drowning in darkness. You want to stay strong, be resilient, but the pain just won’t let you. So yeah, I can understand the sentiment. Ready for the cherry on top? I’m also ALLERGIC to almost all narcotics that the doctors and pain specialists would prescribe.

There is a risky procedure that will block at least one of the nerves in my face to eliminate the pain. However, there is a 50% chance of permanent facial paralysis. Considering I’ve regained about 95% back even after 10 months of healing, I’m not trying to risk it again. My eye still waters for no reason but it is manageable. What is less manageable is navigating pain management. The only brief relief I have found is by using edibles. Although they help significantly, I cannot work or drive while using them.

My New Normal

I understand that some people may not like or even understand my choice of using edibles. I also know that maybe my story could help somebody out there. That reason is why I chose to be open and honest about my situation. I’m sorry to my subscribers for letting you down. I’m not making excuses, simply being candid that I was in NO WAY capable of putting my best foot forward during the last 10 months.

Now I have a better grasp on my situation. I am learning to live with my condition as my new normal. As such, getting back to the things I love is an important part of the process. I never want to submit subpar work nevertheless I am more than ready to get back at it.

Thank you for hanging in there with me. To my new followers that joined during my hiatus, thank you for giving me a shot! I cannot wait to show you more recipes! I promise to try not to let any of you down!

Mandi- Creator @ Captivate Your Plate